Today's meditation in Disciplines is JEREMIAH 1:4-10, where God tells Jerimiah,
“Before I shaped you in the womb,
I knew all about you.
Before you saw the light of day,
I had holy plans for you:
A prophet to the nations— that’s what I had in mind for you.”
This scripture brought back strong memories I have of God being present with me when I was a very small child, some of which I was still in my crib. I have since come to realize that few people have these types of memories, at least in our culture. Historically Gaelic cultures acknowledge these types of "God awareness" memories in small child, and the "thin places" between this world and seeing God face to face.
I certainly went through some periods of anger with God (when my father died), and some periods of questioning God's existence (especially during pretty severe postpartum depression after my second child was born). But for the most part, I sought God's Presence throughout my life.
I have always found it comforting when I come across scriptures that remind me that God has known me even before I was born. I am comforted my hearing that God has given me gifts and ministries before I was even born. My frustration has been that God doesn't always easily reveal WHAT I am being called to do and WHERE I am supposed to do it.
Two years ago i retired from my work here in PA, in preparation for moving to AZ, and, because I was burning out physically and emotionally at my job. After two years of preparing our PA home for sale, and setting up our AZ home, I feel more ready to become involved in ministry again. I don't know if God will give me a new job, or have me do volunteer work, but I want to get more involved again. ANd I feel this desire is being stirred in my heart by God.
I do not know what my future holds, but I know that I am in God's hands. I am in a waiting and watching stance, one of my least favorite. I want to "know" what my future holds. But in not knowing the details, I am forced to watch intently for God's movement in my life. I am open and looking. I am paying attention to ways God is piercing through the thin places in my life. And I am grateful that I do not have to figure these things out by myself.